Monster management has been a thing around here for many a year, leading to such frolics as The Monster Under the Bed, The Watcher at the Window, A Night on the Town, and of course Crime Scene Man, to name a few. Tonight is all about a more symbiotic relationship where some get what they need, others what they want, and a few what they asked for.
And any resemblance to people or other entities, living, dead, or defying definition, is not coincidental. Those of you named Martin know who you are.
In Praise of House Monsters
By LFM
Our house monster Sly lives under the stairs,
Whereupon visitors pass unawares,
More loyal retainer than blood kin is Sly,
And no one but us knows he’s waiting nearby.
It’s not that we like to feed people to Sly,
Just there’s always that few that you’re wanting to die,
When the morsel is someone you’re better without,
And desire where they went be forever in doubt.
There’s no sound, not a scent, neither tooth nor claw gleam,
He strikes with such speed they have no time to scream,
Just a snick and a gulp marks the end of their days,
Sly’s own special part in the mending of ways.
But just to allay any evidence fear,
Such as DNA dripped in a Croco-Sly tear,
I called in a Friend who hunts crime scenes for real,
And asked his advice — yes he’s in on the deal.
But root as he might, not a kernel of proof
Could he find for what’s happening under my roof,
I can make the assertion there’s nothing he missed,
And as usual, leaving, he slipped me his list.
Sly came with the house and we’ve no plans to sell,
In the basement’s a portal that leads straight to Hell,
With such fine creature comforts we’re glad to abide,
Even if Hell’s back door is locked from the inside.