Large Fierce Mammal

With all due respect sisters, I’ll prefer a good Dog watching my back any day.

Inspired by impending Fatherhood I find myself thinking more and more of the lullabies and bedtime stories that have been crafted over the centuries to sooth the mind and calm the fears of a counterproductively sleepy child. A recurring theme is the monster under the bed and how to deal with it.

Any Parent worthy of the name knows the value of a well timed sword thrust under the mattress or the dramatically thunderous emptying of a revolver into the dark hidey hole of the bedroom closet to cleanse it of the insensate evil lurking there, but most will acknowledge that in such cases, a simple and uplifting story can be the equal of a thousand rounds expended, is one hell of a lot cheaper, and doesn’t leave you with a gun to clean after the child is asleep.

Members of the LFM Canine Household Cavalry figure prominently in what follows. A few ended up being left out, and this had nothing to do with any intentional snub. Just that, as you will see, Gunner ate the monster before they had a chance to get involved. Bed time comes an hour early tonight, and I think this is as good a time as any to present …

The Monster Under the Bed

An LFM sleepy time story

You cannot let a monster lie
That lurks beneath the bed.
Never leave them there unless
You want to wake up dead.

But you’ll be safe, my little one
From monsters night and day.
What happened to the last one
Makes the rest stay far away.

For you live midst a Pack of Dogs,
Stout guardians, one and all!
Who sleeps within their watchful sphere
No evil will befall.

Good Milo who is black as night
No monster will abide,
For when his nose has caught its scent
There’s nowhere it can hide.

And so it was, a year ago
That Milo caught the smell
Of something hiding in the house
From blackest pits of Hell.

Whate’er the monster had in mind
Would never come to pass.
No option did it have but RUN,
Good Milo on its ass!

The monster screamed as Milo raised
His baying hue and cry,
And hearing him his brethren came
To help the monster die.

Red Robbie from Down Under
Was the next into the fray.
He headed off the hellish thing
And tore its nose away.

A rusty, furry cannon ball
No quarter did he give.
No monster dare face Cattle Dog
That has a hope to live.

A Min Pin’s made for killing Rats
And things that don’t belong.
When something must be driven out
It ne’er takes Minnie long.

And though she may seem miniscule,
No thing to conjure fear,
All fourteen pounds of Min Pin
Latched upon the monster’s ear.

The beset and frantic Monster
Broke straight through the kitchen door,
But instead of gaining safety
It was worse off than before.

For Gunner grabbed it by the scruff,
And shook that thing so hard,
Its arms and legs all flew straight off
And rolled across the yard.

It’s known that German Shepherd Dogs
Won’t leave a job half done.
Gunner rounded up the parts
And ate them, every one.

So never fear, my little one,
No evil can betide
Who sleeps in perfect safety with
A Dog on every side.