Large Fierce Mammal

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullet_Witch

Tonight’s Dark Sentiment is sung from the perspective of a previously unheard of Coven of Witches — The Witches of Wakeup — hidden for centuries but only now self-disclosing as the sheer unmitigated shitness of the 21st century has driven them beyond their bounds of tolerance.

Short form: They’ve fucking had it.

This is not the political statement many will make it out to be. The Witches of Wakeup hate assholes wherever they may find them prattling, and collateral damage is just their price of doing business.

Whatever you drink with this, make it nothing that involves chips or crackers. You’ll be singing this to the tune of My Favourite Things from The Sound of Music. My sincerest apologies to Messrs. Rodgers & Hammerstein, most particularly the latter who wrote the original lyrics.

The Witches of Wakeup

By LFM

You don’t know we’re watching and find you all wanting,
So full of yourselves with your braying and flaunting,
We’re bringing you lessons, we’re ending the joke,
A wakeup is something quite diff’rent from woke.

You’re tearing down statues and hating each other,
No peace is for you if to war is your druther,
You’re driving a frenzy with nowhere to park,
If you won’t find the light, we can show you the dark.

When the Wolf bites! When the Whip stings! You’ll lose all you had!
We’ll help you remember those wonderful things
And why you now feel so bad!

You want and you take things and hold them as granted,
You shit in the beds of those ones you supplanted,
No good ever comes of just praying for cures,
You don’t even notice that nothing is yours!

On broomsticks with boomsticks we’ll drop in to pillage,
And strafe the sweet hell out of city and village,
If you want to be eaten we can help you with that,
We’ll slaughter and price mark each ignorant pratt!

When the Wolf bites! When the Whip stings! You’ll lose all you had!
We’ll help you remember those wonderful things
And why you now feel so bad!