To Live in the Hearts We Leave Behind is Not to Die
Guest Post by Mrs. LFM
Posted By Diana on March 24, 2011
Seven years ago today, my father succumbed to the ravages of cancer. I think of him throughout the year, almost every day, but especially on the days of his birth and his death.
My dad and I were always very close. He was understanding, encouraging, sympathetic, inspiring and above all, loving. He pushed me to work hard, but comforted me if I felt I failed. Unfortunately, the last two years of his life were very rocky for us. He didn’t approve of the direction my life was taking, or my choices. Despite this, I regularly visited him in the hospital on the days he was there for dialysis. My visits never ended well, but I kept going, hoping one day he would understand my decisions.
His health took a turn for the worse in November 2003. He went into a coma and the doctors tried pushing my mother to let nature take its course. She refused and told them to do whatever it took to keep him alive. She called me and Randy and we rushed into Halifax from Lunenburg, preparing for the worst. By the time we arrived, my dad had already come out of his coma and, fearing his time had come and that he would never see me again, wrote me a letter. Among other things, my dad asked for my forgiveness for being a “stubborn old goat”. Laughing and crying I told him there was nothing to forgive, it was forgotten.
My dad stayed with us for four more months. Four months that I tried cramming years into. I will always cherish them while simultaneously cursing that we didn’t have more time.
My grief today spilled out into creativity. It’s not my best literary work, but it’s from the heart.
With every passing year,
The pain recedes;
Yet still there are days
When my heart bleeds.
Maybe what happened
Was meant to be.
That doesn’t mean
I’m no longer angry.
I hate that cancer
With all my might!
To take you so soon
Just doesn’t seem right.
Precious months wasted
Because we argued.
What a stupid time
To have a feud.
There was still so much
Left to say and do,
I’m just happy you left
Knowing I love you.
So until the day
When again we meet,
My thoughts of you
Will be bittersweet.
And Ryszard, when we all meet, the drinks are on me. Forever.
… less seems more right now, so with that being said, here are my thoughts ~ beautiful ~ You too mirror your father ~ understanding, encouraging, sympathetic, inspiring and above all, loving.
This is beautiful! I’m proud of you- my blood for sure courses through your veins:-) And I’m proud of you and Daddy, that you resolved the differences before it was too late.It is painful to live with regrets, and even though I know you have some, but at least you don’t have to live with the big one
This poem, and your reminiscences, brought tears to my eyes. Love you Baby ♥ ♥ ♥
Truly from the heart, Diana. May God bless ! Leroy.
Diana
You give love and due honor to your dad . Any father would be proud and happy having a daughter like you .Time (lack of) can be a curse . Ryszard ,your dad loved you so much he stayed the time to go with all he had for you . One doctor described it, beyond what was humanly possible. Along with his stubbornness came a father daughter connection beyond love .I know he was more demanding of you .I also know he glowed inside of you . I think he had to realize his firstborn had grown up ,and come to terms with it . Ryszard did have his own way of making his approval ,or not known. Your words are truth ,which makes them all the more loving .
Randy seeing that Ryszards drinks are covered , now yours are too .
Peter
A very nice post. Well said. Yes, your writing is certainly from the heart.
well said D. Relationships are all unique and individual, and yet most importantly very similar to those of others. Someday soon I should post something akin to yours and it will be about my mother and my relationship with her.
Cheers Diana,
Stu Sr.
P.S. Did you have a rum for me too? I shared a beer with many lost and gone ones yesterday, some of yours and Randy’s included.
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Your mother knew so well that you both needed time. I’m grateful to her too! I’ve said it before, I can’t wait for baby LFM’s, so much treasure and wisdom will be safe in the world for another generation because of LFM parenting 🙂