Large Fierce Mammal

Mrs. LFM and I have been watching the new television series Outlander based on the literary series by Diana Gabaldon. If you’re one of the three people left in the television watching world who haven’t heard of it, and according to Starz that produces it, Outlander the TV series, “Follows the story of Claire Randall, a married combat nurse from 1945 who is mysteriously swept back in time to 1743, where she is immediately thrown into an unknown world where her life is threatened. When she is forced to marry Jamie Fraser, a chivalrous and romantic young Scottish warrior, a passionate relationship is ignited that tears Claire’s heart between two vastly different men in two irreconcilable lives.” (Source: IMDB via Starz)

In spite of the hype that preceded it, we both find the series much to our liking so we’ll continue to bundle up with the SFM and watch. It’s beautifully staged with brilliant cinematography, well written, and well acted by people who appear to have a comfort in their roles that usually only makes an appearance halfway through the second season. From the SFM’s point of view, it features women which it turns out are number one on his list of all time favourite things along with food, juice, being licked by Dogs, and bearded men, in that order.

Here’s an introductory trailer including some cast commentaries.

But there is one thing about Outlander that goes against my grain – the opening lines to the first and last verses of the show’s title theme. Using the music of The Skye Boat Song (listen to The Corries sing it here), that tells the story of the desperate evacuation of Prince Charles Edward Stuart (Bonnie Prince Charlie) to the Isle of Skye after the defeat of his forces at the Battle of Culloden in 1746, and arranged by Emmy Award winning composer Bear McCreary, the Outlander theme summarizes the plight of the lead female character employing lines from a rewrite of Robert Louis Stevenson’s The Skye Boat Song that have never quite sat right with me. Speaking for us LFM’s, while it’s beautifully sung by Raya Yarbrough and masterfully arranged, those first lines I spoke of, regardless of source, come off as a contrived and stilted first exposure to an otherwise excellent endeavour.

To illustrate my point, here is the Outlander theme with lyrics.

To be clear then, the part that clashes our gears is,

“Sing me a song of a lass that is gone
Say, could that lass be I?

Of course it’s “lad” in the original Stevenson version, but you know. The show.

“Say could that lass be I????” God damn it Mr. Stevenson! Ah well, it is what it is mates. Before long it will be the only version of The Skye Boat Song anyone under 30 remembers, and tragically will be the music of the first waltz at more than a few weddings.

I’ll close with my own typically ribald version which I offer here to you in protest, though with sincere apologies both to Messrs. Stevenson and McCreary for flagrantly absconding with some of their best lines. Do me the favour of replaying the Outlander theme video with lyrics while imagining the angelic voice of Raya Yarbrough singing mine, even as I offer her my most heartfelt apologies for putting, even imaginatively, such smut in her mouth.

This song tells the tale of a young woman’s quest to rid herself of her virginity, and her determination to distance herself in perpetuity from it ever having existed. Feel free to sing it over the theme the next time you watch Outlander, and send us a video of your performance!

The Skye Shagging Song

By LFM

Sing me a song of a maidenhead gone,
Say, could that quim be mine?
To be shagged so my legs will n’er meet again,
I’m off o’er the sea to Skye!

Billow and breeze, islands and seas,
Highlanders stand in queues,
With kilt each adorned, properly worn,
All eager to help me lose …. it …

(Bagpipes swell)

Oh! Sing me a song of a maidenhead gone,
Thankful that quim be mine!
Th’ pesky thing’s gone and t’will n’er be again –
Next week I’m off back to Skye!