Large Fierce Mammal

As usual, turn up your sound.

For the benefit of those of you unfamiliar with the history of Canadian military aviation, the CF-104 Starfighter, built by Canadair under license from Lockheed, was Canada’s front line fighter deployed to European bases as part of our NATO commitment during the latter part of the cold war. Officially adopted in March 1962, it replaced the Canadair Sabre Mk.6 in 1968 and served until itself being replaced by the CF-18 Hornet in 1987 after which most surviving CF-104’s were sold to Turkey.

A Challenging aircraft to fly, 46% of Canadian Starfighters were lost in accidents. This was a very fast airplane being operated at low altitudes in European weather conditions where, if you don’t fly in crap, you don’t fly. Even so, those who flew and maintained the Starfighter thought highly of it and, by the time it was replaced with the CF-18 Hornet, the average CF-104 airframe had 6000 hours on it as compared with the 2000 hours of the next highest time air force, the German Luftwaffe.


I am presently in the pre-production and screen testing phase of a documentary film called “The F Word”, commemorating the 2009 centennial of powered flight in Canada. Flight sequences are being shot using flight simulation software, specifically Microsoft Flight Simulator 2004 and X-Plane by Laminar Research. As screen tests proceed, I will be posting the results here, as well as on YouTube and SimTube, just for fun.

So, if you enjoy history, airplanes, things that go fast, and loud noises, not to mention kick-ass travelling music, try on The F Word – Screen Test 1 featuring the exceptional and accurately modelled Captain Sim “Legendary F-104” wearing my personally applied RCAF colours based on the black and white photo below courtesy of the Canadian Starfighter Association. Click on the photo to view it full size, and turn up your sound before watching the movie.

On 30 September 1907, the Aerial Experiment Association was signed into existence at Halifax, Nova Scotia for the purpose of, “…carrying on experiments relating to aerial locomotion….” Signatories to the Association’s Charter were Alexander Graham Bell, G. H. (Glen) Curtiss, F. W. (Casey) Baldwin , J. A. Douglas McCurdy, and Thomas Selfridge. Pictured above are the charter members (photo courtesy of the Alexander Graham Bell National Historic Site of Canada.) They were on a mission to bring the “F” word to Canada, and as everybody knows, the “F” stands for “Flight“.

A powerful player in the inception and ongoing operation of the AEA was Bell’s wife, Mabel Hubbard Bell, (right) who both suggested the forming of the group and, being independently wealthy herself, financed its activities.

It is safe to say that without the backing of a good woman, Canada’s entrance into the world of flight would have been significantly delayed. The forming of the AEA brought some phenomenal talents together in the same place to share ideas and work toward a common goal.

Most of the AEA’s experirments were based out of the Bell family estate of Beinn Bhreagh (pronounced “Ben BRAY-ah” meaning “beautiful mountain” in Gaelic) near Baddeck, Nova Scotia.

Pictured at left (from “Trial by Flyer” by Frank Wicks), and from left to right, are Casey Baldwin, J.A.D. McCurdy, Glenn Curtiss, Alexander Graham Bell, Lt. Tom Selfridge, and aviation pioneer Augustus Post. Note the crutches. Flying in those days, to say the least, had its risks.

In the course of its operations, the AEA built and tested five “aerodromes” as Bell called them:
– Aerodrome 1, “Red Wing” (1908)
– Aerodrome 2, “White Wing” (1908)
– Aerodrome 3, “June Bug” (1908)
– Aerodrome 4, “Silver Dart” (1909) pictured below right
– Aerodrome 5, “Cygnet” (1912)

On February 23, 1909, the Silver Dart piloted by J.A.D. McCurdy lifted off from a frozen inlet on Bras d’Or Lake at Baddeck, Nova Scotia, and flew a half mile ending in a controlled descent to a successful landing. The event marked the first flight of a heavier-than-air machine in Canada as well as in the British Empire. (Photo below left courtesy of the Alexander Graham Bell National Historic Site of Canada).

After 300 flights, by which time the aircraft had more than amply been proven in its ability to remain aloft, manoeuvre, and land, Silver Dart was demonstrated to the Canadian Army. Due to pressure to fly in unfavourable conditions, the show ended badly so, notoriously leary of new fangled inventions, and doubtful of the future usefulness of such contraptions, the Army declined its adoption at the time.

The Canadian military has since changed its mind, and we’ve come a long way since Silver Dart.

Wearing both military and civilian hats, aviation has been a crucial tool in making it possible to forge a nation out of the expanse of sparsely populated and varied landscape called Canada.

As this series progresses, I will be presenting images of historically significant real world aircraft as well as virtual ones wearing liveries I have created to commemorate the centennial of powered flight in Canada. Using the applications “Microsoft Flight Simulator 2004”, “X-Plane” by Laminar Research, and virtual aircraft developed by, and credited to, others, all paint schemes and logos that are to follow, unless stated otherwise, are my original work, are covered by copyright, and no reproduction, modification, or distribution is authorized without my express written consent.

With the legalities over with, stand by for some historically motivated eye candy. Many additions will be made as work progresses through this project, so keep an eye out.

Anybody who reads what I write knows by now that I have an intense interest in aviation that I cultivate through the virtual world of Microsoft Flight Simulator, reading the trade journals, and going to airshows as often as possible. Yes, there was a time when I sat at the controls of the real thing, but that expensive passtime is … well … past.

Today it was announced that the previously homeless Nova Scotia International Air Show is no longer homeless, and will be hosted this year at the Yarmouth airport on 12 and 13 September 2009. A good thing too because 2009 marks the centennial year of the birth of powered flight in Canada. For the next few posts I’ll be running off at the keyboard on the subject, and showcasing my own commemorative efforts.

What you see at left is a picture I created from Microsoft Flight Simulator 2004 of a Vickers Vanguard turboprop airliner in the livery of Trans-Canada Air Lines. The aircraft and its paint scheme are the work of the inimitable Rick Piper. Click on the picture for a better view.

Formed by Canadian National Railways in 1937, Trans-Canada Air Lines (TCA) was Canada’s first national air carrier, becoming Air Canada in 1964 from an act of Parliament proposed by Jean Chrétien.

One of the fastest turboprop aircraft ever to fly, the British designed and built Vanguard was ordered by TCA and British European Airways (BEA) with a total of 43 being built.

So why the Vanguard is of significance to me is threefold.

To start, it was the first aircraft I ever flew in while outside my mother’s womb.

Secondly, the flight in question occurred in the summer of 1961 when, at the age of four, I traveled with my mother to Montreal to meet my maternal grandmother for the first time.

Thirdly, the cabin of a Vickers Vanguard was the first place I fell in love. Oh, I was young, t’is true, and she was much older, but the yearnings were no less powerful. I remember I was wearing a tie in the colours of the Royal Stewart Tartan, a gift from my maternal grandmother who was both British and a staunch monarchist. I also remember that my tie attracted the attention of an incredibly beautiful flight attendant with raven hair and a Scottish accent that was to die for.

As it turned out she was a Stewart who, even after it was established that I wasn’t one myself, nevertheless lavished me with her attentions throughout the flight, and gifted me with a small toy model of the Vanguard as we parted.

I was thoroughly smitten dear readers, truly I was.

Let it be known that with the blessings of one of the founding fathers of the organization, he now known by the nom de guerre of “Fluffatron”, I in my capacity as Large Fierce Mammal, and further empowered by the fact that I have recently wedded a notorious pirate, have taken it upon myself to resurrect, replenish, resuscitate, and in every other manner breath life back into the august society known and feared throughout the land as the Zut Alors Piracy Society. More will be revealed as my dark agenda unfolds.

Followers of this blog will be pleased to learn that the Large Fierce Mammal and his Beautiful Mate were married this past Hallowe’en resulting in much merry making and little energy for posting here. An article of monumental interest is in the offing concerning issues relating to our union that will undoubtedly soothe the impatience and desperation you have all been experiencing during this temporary blog famine.
Photo by Tammy Zinck. Photo manipulation by Jessica Scott.

I feel her pain. Really I do.

In an article written by Hilary White posted to LifeSiteNews.com on 15 August 2008 titled “Westminster Exorcist Says Promiscuity can Lead to Demonic Possession“, 73 year-old Father Jeremy Davies is quoted as saying that, “Promiscuity, as well as homosexuality and pornography … is a form of sexual perversion and can lead to demonic possession … Among the causes of homosexuality is a contagious demonic factor.”

It should be noted that Father Davies is a priest of Westminster, the leading diocese of the Catholic Church of England and Wales, a qualified exorcist, and co-founder of the International Association of Exorcists. If you’re inclined to check that out as a career path, you may also want to read “So You Want to Perform an Exorcism: Here Is What it Takes” for more on the subject.

Father Davies goes on to say, “The thin end of the wedge (soft drugs, yoga for relaxation, horoscopes just for fun and so on) is more dangerous than the thick end because it is more deceptive – an evil spirit tries to make his entry as unobtrusively as possible.”

The article states that, “In 2000, Father Davies told the Independent newspaper that incidents of demonic possession are rising dramatically along with the increase of New Age beliefs and practices, ignorance of the Bible and a growth in spiritual confusion.”

Reading the article, and speaking as one who is not now nor ever will be Catholic, is not ignorant of the Bible, and is as far from spiritually confused as you can get, I couldn’t help but notice that Father Davies made no reference to the well documented evils that all too commonly can result from the protracted practice of sexual abstinence by sanctimonious authority figures. I’m guessing that was just an oversight and he’ll be addressing that issue presently.

In my first year of university I shared what was supposed to be a double room with two other guys, the inimitable Michael Gilbert Baker, presently of Nova Scotia Government fame, and a Monctonian named Bruce Andrew Hudson. Bruce’s major was computer science but, in the thoughtless exuberance that so often characterizes the decisions of freshmen everywhere, he thought it would be a good idea to take an elective course in “Scientific German”. Fortunately for Bruce it was only a half course.

As part of his final exam, Bruce was required to write a brief composition to demonstrate his newfound competence. The subject: What I do when I get up in the morning.

I was sitting in our mutual room when Bruce triumphantly returned bearing his exam paper with its exemplary mark of 50% and an enigmatic red scrawl from his professor that read, “It’s been very entertaining Bruce. Good luck.” He immediately sat down at his desk and set to work with his trusty German-English dictionary saying, “I can’t wait to see what I wrote!”

As the minutes passed, the scratching of his pen was joined by soft snickers. Snickers became guffaws that soon escalated to hysterics. Finally, collapsed on his desk unable to speak, Bruce extended one arm in my direction bearing the translated document that described, in English, what he did when he got up in the morning:

“I get up and wake up the teeth and hair.
I jump for the face.
I brush the comb with the brush, then I comb and bend for school.
I breath the knee and the upper part of the body touches.”

Now that’s entertainment.

What’s all this about not talking on the phone while driving? Why is it necessary to even tell people that? When I first got into business in 1983 I used to welcome the relaxation of actually getting OUT of the office and away from the phones. People left messages. Shit still got done.

I carry around a look, even when I’m not in uniform. I pull up to a stop sign and at least one person in the vicinity will be nearly dislocating a shoulder trying to fasten their seat belt while faking that they’re really just stretching. I drive down the highway and regularly see people pretending that the cel phone sandwiched between their hand and their ear is actually just them leaning against the door while they talk to themselves and there’s really no phone involved.

Let’s all band together to discover and practice a new technique: let the bastard ring. Use designated ring tones so you can instantly ID family members (the ones who may actually have a right to instant access) and the doctor who may be calling if your STD tests come back positive. Let everything else go to voice mail.

Too important to stay off the phone? Try being too important to be bothered by it just now. You might like it.