Large Fierce Mammal

Every day a new “study”. Yesterday I read a blog article celebrating the health benefits of coffee consumption. I don’t drink anywhere near as much coffee as I used to, but that came about by a process of evolution rather than conscious thought about what caffeine might or might not do to me.I particularly enjoyed the line, “One analysis of nine studies found that every 2-cup increase in daily coffee intake reduced liver cancer risk by 43 percent.” I’m planning a study of my own based on this and have the half completed application for a research grant sitting on my desk as I write this. I’m wondering if I up my daily coffee intake enough, and then nudge it even higher, can I not only eliminate my risk of getting liver cancer, but actually give it to one or more other people of my choosing? That risk has got to go somewhere, and I have a list.

Subject matter aside though, that article brought to mind how much the endless onslaught of “study results” has come to affect public habits, and how big a loser that makes anyone who blindly buys into what some “expert” tells them they should be doing, eating, drinking, inhaling, or whatever. Never forget that there was a time not all that long ago when doctors were quoted in tobacco advertisements touting the healthy benefits of cigarette smoking.

If you’ve found yourself flummoxed by this issue and need some help with the wheat from chaff separation process, here’s a set of simple  exercises to get you through it, LFM style.

First, when you hear the words, “A new study has shown …” or any iteration of that phrase, repeat out loud what comes after it, but replace the opening phrase with the more accurate, “It’s in someone else’s interest for me to believe …”

Second, and most importantly, never lose sight of this one simple truth – what we hear referred to as a “study” these days has nothing to do with science, and while its results have a purpose, they have absolutely no meaning. That doesn’t make the study meaningless though, because the true revelation comes from who paid for it to be done in the first place.

A new study shows that a steady diet of fast food will make your penis larger in proportion with the rest of you.