Large Fierce Mammal

Going Postal

By LFM

I killed a man the other day,
He’d just himself to blame.
First my patience emptied
Then my pistol did the same.

Disposing of his carcass
Was an easy thing to do.
So simple that you’ll wonder why
It never came to you.

I bubble wrapped and boxed him up
And sent him through the mail.
No surer way to lose a thing,
And never known to fail.

That’s why I always snicker when
I watch the news and see
Yet another one “went postal” –
It’s just not the same to me.

~ Dark Sentiments 2012 – Day 25: Going Postal ~

Canada Post to stop door-to-door delivery, convert to community mailbox delivery is the title of an article by Lee Berthiaume posted today at National Post. It chronicles the latest developments in the downward spiral of the train wreck that is what the Canadian postal service has become, and what follows are a few observations of my own.

I recently had a client come to me looking for solutions to a problem with her rural mail delivery – she was experiencing disappearance of anything that looked like a bill or a cheque from the mail box at the end of her driveway. She had no evidence to indicate attempts to negotiate any cashable items, but the simple disappearance of such important mail was beginning to affect both her personal and professional lives.

She had complained to Canada Post where she received no joy, and reported it to the police who, in the absence of witnesses or other evidence pointing to a suspect, could be of no help. In the end, she turned to me for advice, and possible the placement of a surprise or two for the perpetrator.

In the end, her suspicions led her to a theory that the problem was originating in the back yard of Canada Post itself, and in a recent conversation, she informed me that in one of those telephone conversations that “never happened”, she was informed by a Canada Post supervisory staff member that what she had experienced was caused by a disgruntled Canada Post employee. It’s my understanding that some action was taken by them because her problem has gone away, but in the absence of admissions that will never see the light of day, her experience as collateral damage in a labour dispute will simply have to be taken as a lesson learned.

As an organization, Canada Post lost my respect back in the early 1990’s. The catalyst was the latest in a series of labour disputes between the Canada Post Corporation and the Canadian Union of Postal Workers. Doing business requires that invoices and payments arrive where they are supposed to be when they are supposed to be there, and it’s hard enough to keep the system on track without active interference from the organization that’s supposed to reliably handle the mail.

By the time I had my own epiphany, I had seen a pattern developing. You see, it doesn’t require an actual mail strike to throw a wrench into the gears; merely the hint that one may come. In the case of my client, even one disgruntled employee So what I observed was that as soon as a collective agreement ran out and bargaining began, the number of my clients who either had not received their invoices and so earned a collection call when the account ran into arrears, or who had actually sent their payment weeks ago – into the void – went through the roof.

But wait! There’s more! To call what happened to mail at post offices “sorting” is creative at best. For example, for many years I maintained box #68 at the Lunenburg post office. One day, I received a piece of mail in that very box that was in fact addressed to P. O. Box 68, but otherwise fit the following parameters:

1. The address for delivery was perfectly legible.
2. It was addressed to a person whose name bore no similarities to mine in any way.
3. Their company name did not resemble any of mine, nor indeed that of any agent of commerce I had ever heard of.
4. The delivery address stated that this person was located in Louisbourg, Nova Scotia (for those of you unfamiliar with Nova Scotian geography, Louisbourg is located on Cape Breton Island, many hours of driving, and about as far east of Lunenburg as you can get while still being in Nova Scotia).
5. The postal code, equivalent to a U. S. zip code, was correct for Louisbourg (B1C 1A0), and completely and obviously wrong for Lunenburg (B0J 2C0).

Lunenburg to Louisbourg – 513.2 kilometers – estimated 5 hours and 39 minutes driving distance (significantly less if Mrs. LFM is driving).

When you take into account how many hands that piece of mail had to pass through between its point of origin and where it ultimately ended up, it becomes hard to class this event as a simple case of human error. Taking it to the counter was even more entertaining – there was absolutely no surprise expressed there, and the explanation was that when mail arrives for sorting, it must be delivered to the indicated mail box. Apparently this “rule” applies even if the actual mail box “indicated” is, in fact, more than 500 kilometers (nearly 6 hours driving time) east of the one it was put into.

Indeed, I have heard this litany of bullshit applied every time postal issues have been discussed with Canada Post employees – there is inevitably a “rule” that absolves everyone in their location from any responsibility whatsoever, notwithstanding that today’s “rule” completely contradicts another that was trotted out in the face of an earlier complaint, possibly even by the same Canada Post employee as recently as yesterday.

In those days before e-mail, I began a process that continues to this day – finding workarounds that, as far as it’s possible to achieve, cut Canada Post out of my life. Along the way, my accounts receivable and payable processing has become progressively more efficient, diminished its environmental impact, and given me the satisfaction of giving the lazy fuckers at Canada Post everything they’ve worked so hard to achieve – nothing.

So now we have a majority of our invoices delivered and paid electronically. We retain a local private contractor that doesn’t run on excuses, and that not only handles our mail, but also provides shipping and receiving through extended hours, all for less money than Canada Post would charge for iffy mail delivery, and with none of the unfortunate after effects.

Go talk to the nice folks at your nearest UPS Store today.