Large Fierce Mammal

Courtesy: Household Cavalry Mounted Regiment

Tonight’s Dark Sentimental ditty is inspired by some of the many wise words I’ve been privileged to hear spoken by my Esteemed Friend and Master At Arms James A. Keating, most particularly on the subject of charm schools.

A Classic Sort of Gentleman

(Based upon The Major-General’s Song from Gilbert and Sullivan’s 1879 comic opera The Pirates of Penzance)

By LFM

I am the very model of a Classic sort of Gentleman,
I go about my business as a proper elementalman,
No temperament pugnatious is the secret to my happiness,
Nor bearing of a visage marked by scars and dental gappiness.

While others bear the consequence of lifelong bad reality,
With offerings of bullets, blades, and fists for triviality,
My skills defuse the querulous eschewing of the garrulous
In situations needful of containment of the perilous.

I’m very good at knowing when to joke or to commiserate,
Negotiate or at my sole discretion to eviscerate,
And as befits the essence of a proper elementalman,
I am the very model of a classic sort of Gentleman.

CHORUS:
As befits the essence of a proper elementalman,
He is the very model of a Classic sort of Gentleman.

I am adept to socialize where manners wax invisible,
And compliments are couched in terms like, “Bro your ho is jizzable,”
I choose to judge temerity in light of its sincerity,
And act upon its offering as inroad to barbarity.

And though I may be taken as a fountain of veracity,
Masculine personified and absent all mendacity,
Unevocative of chastity, and absent all hubrisity,
I’m known to be a causitive of feminine lubricity.

Both a Lover and a Fighter keeping neither humour in disguise,
Rough correcting provocations that resist correction otherwise,
And as befits the essence of a proper elementalman,
I am the very model of a classic sort of Gentleman.

CHORUS:
As befits the essence of a proper elementalman,
He is the very model of a Classic sort of Gentleman.