Large Fierce Mammal

Image Credit: Hyperbole and a Half

This is a song I wrote based loosely on actual events. There is music and I’ll be recording it for your edification in a future fit of publication. In the mean time here’s —

Dead Spider Serenade

By LFM

Dearest spider on the ceiling
I won’t ask you how you’re feeling
We’ve not spoken since the day I squashed you dead.
Hospitality was failing
When I caught you mid-abseiling
In descent upon my sleeping infant’s head.

My arrival sent you climbing
In attempt to thwart my timing
And arriving at your apex met my shoe.
You knew not who you played with,
The great outdoors you should have stayed with
So now you’re just a purple streak of goo.

Had this played out in the garden
I’d have granted you my pardon
You’d be out there spinning webs this very day.
But I hold no guilt nor sorrow
I’ll just hose you off tomorrow
As admonishment you should have stayed away.

You went far above your station
When you came sans invitation
To take liberties with family of mine.
Such a sin bears no repeating
No more flies will you be eating
For now you’re but a stain upon the pine.