Randy | September 14, 2009
I once had a lengthy relationship with a woman who gave directions so badly that even people intimately familiar with the place she was talking about could find no discernible similarity with real world conditions. She had the gift of completely sidestepping the basic essentials required by people who are seriously trying to get from […]
Randy | May 28, 2009
Television has seen an interesting, but not altogether surprising, advertising event of late: promotion of Dos Equis beer by The World’s Most Interesting Man. For those who have yet to see the ads of which I speak, TWMIM is portrayed as a gentleman of years and experience, even more so when we include his beard. […]
Randy | March 30, 2009
Addressing the Press Club in Washington, D. C., on 25 March 1969, and in reference to the relationship between Canada and the United States, then Prime Minister of Canada Pierre Elliott Trudeau said, “Living next to you is in some ways like sleeping with an elephant. No matter how friendly and even-tempered is the beast, […]
Randy | March 22, 2009
Australians have long been known to warn gullible tourists about the perils of drop bears. As everybody who reads Wikipedia knows, “Drop bears are … unusually large, vicious, carnivorous koalas that inhabit treetops and attack their prey by dropping onto their heads from above.” To make things worse, they warn that there is no way […]
Randy | November 6, 2008
Let it be known that with the blessings of one of the founding fathers of the organization, he now known by the nom de guerre of “Fluffatron”, I in my capacity as Large Fierce Mammal, and further empowered by the fact that I have recently wedded a notorious pirate, have taken it upon myself to […]
Randy | October 26, 2008
In my first year of university I shared what was supposed to be a double room with two other guys, the inimitable Michael Gilbert Baker, presently of Nova Scotia Government fame, and a Monctonian named Bruce Andrew Hudson. Bruce’s major was computer science but, in the thoughtless exuberance that so often characterizes the decisions of […]
Randy | September 26, 2008
Everybody’s heard this riddle Q: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm. Many years ago I was driving through the Annapolis Valley on a beautiful late summer day. In the car with me were my ex- wife (front passenger seat), her mother (rear right seat), and her mother’s […]
Randy | September 25, 2008
You never know who’s watching. Readers please note that, while certainly not innocent, the raven in this picture was in no way implicated in the sordid tale that follows. One day in the summer of 2000, while I was on duty working police/fire dispatch in Lunenburg, I received a call from a tourist who was […]
Randy | September 12, 2008
I recently came across an advice article entitled “Everyone wants to know how to read the sexual body language.” You can read the entire article here. After reading it twice and letting the laughter subside, I felt compelled, as your security and survival professional, to comment on its contents. For clarity, I am quoting items […]
Randy | September 9, 2008
Rural Nova Scotia has spawned some strange ditties. One of the summer jobs I had while attending university was as night watchman at what was then called the “Adult Residential Centre” at Dayspring, Lunenburg County. A vast and rambling structure known locally as “the poor farm”, the ARC dated from darker times when the mentally […]