Large Fierce Mammal

I recently contributed to a thread on BladeForums.com on the subject of corkscrews on modern knives and that started me thinking. This post is the result.

I personally subscribe to the practice of never being without such an implement whenever there is a risk of wine being encountered which, one lives in hope, is perpetually. Mine travels with me in the form of my ever present Swiss Army Knife which is exactly like the one in the picture except my SAK has sexy black handle scales. How I do sigh for the days when a pocket knife was accepted as normal equipment for people boarding planes at airports, and a twelve year old deploying such a dreadful thing at school for such a mundane task as opening a package at lunch wasn’t cause for a lockdown, activation of the local police tactical team, and lifelong corrective therapy for the offending sociopath who clearly can no longer be trusted.

It will come as no surprise to my readers that I eschew bullshittery in all its forms, and maintain it as a fundamental truth of civilized conduct that a Gentleman must be, at all times and in every respect, prepared to entertain a Lady.

Here I have successfully dispensed a bottle of the exception Kings Kiwi produced by the equally exceptional Lunenburg County Winery.

Yes, I know it’s dark where we are. The beautiful and talented Mrs. LFM and I on occasion enjoy picnicing at night in forests far from anywhere. It pays off on levels too numerous to list, but for one example, it permits the observation of some rarely seen phenomena. By this practice we were able to confirm my long held suspicion that deer roost in trees.

Of course, all our foraging isn’t done in the woods. Occasionally our adventures land us at other venues, in this case to sample the exquisite barbecued ribs at the highly recommended, but regrettably now defunct, Kilted Grillhouse. Such perfection is seated next to me entirely because I have made it a life long policy to carry, at every waking moment, a Swiss Army Knife fitted with a corkscrew.

All this having been said, it may come to pass that the onslaught of a corked bottle of wine may strike one unarmed. Never fear. Find yourself a tree and apply the method in  the following tutorial. I think if you look up “panache” in the dictionary this man’s picture will be there, fairly near mine. Cheers!