Large Fierce Mammal

I once convinced a small group of idiots that my birth certificate had an expiry date stamped on it. Don’t try this yourselves though, because my powers of persuasion exceed that of mere mortals, and I’d hate to be responsible for any of you hurting yourselves; at least if I’m not there to watch.

Good news for everyone reading this – if you’re alive you’re going to get dead. Every life comes with a death, no assembly required.

Funeral practices vary from place to place, but in countries where burial is the norm, space is either running out, or has long since done so, leading society to recycle burial sites. But this is not new news. Consider this from Hamlet, Act 5, Scene 1:

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy; he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar?

We’ll be revisiting these lines in an upcoming piece on the Memento mori, but their purpose here today is to draw your attention to the setting in which they are uttered – a cemetery in which the grave diggers are disinterring the bones of those previously buried as they dig graves for the freshly dead, something that was accepted practice in Shakespeare’s time. It continues that way today, albeit not executed in such a cavalier fashion.

This paucity of space to house the dead is most acutely felt in countries where living space is at a premium. Consider these items from the Cemeteries of Paris FAQ page:

What are the burial practices in Paris cemeteries?
Like anywhere else in France, people are buried in coffins which are placed in family or individual graves. Plots can be bought in perpetuity, for 50, 30 or 10 years, the latter being the least expensive option. Even in the case of mausoleums and chapels, coffins are most of the time below ground. As in the rest of the world, cremation is more and more popular; people can either keep the urn at home, scatter the ashes or buy a niche in a columbarium.

What happens to all the remains from the abandoned gravesites?
Abandoned remains are boxed, tagged and moved to Aux Morts ossuary, in Père-Lachaise cemetery.

How does the grave recycling process work exactly?
If a grave has not been tended in a while, it is declared abandoned. The Conservation puts a tag on the grave and tries to contact the family but if they can’t reach them (which is often the case after a hundred years), they just take over the plot, clean it and resell it. This procedure usually takes between 2 and 4 years.

Are burials still stacked one on top of the other?
Yes. Most family plots being no more than 2 or 3 square meters, coffins have to be put one on top of the other. Shelves are usually fitted out to accommodate them.

So, in short, at least in Paris, unless you’ve bought into a perpetual resting place (which few can afford), when the lease runs out, you get moved, and this isn’t particularly complicated if the normal process of decomposition hasn’t been compromised in some way. However, the modern burial practices of some nations see them grappling with the remains of citizens that are still juicy after all these years. Consider the plight of Norway, summarized below in an excerpt from a Gizmodo article by Ashley Fienberg titled Norway Is Overrun With Plastic-Covered Corpses That Refuse to Rot:

Norway’s got a major corpse problem that isn’t going away anytime soon. Literally—they won’t rot. What’s the culprit behind this profusion of bodies that refuse to take their place in the circle of life? The same thing that’s also working to keep your sandwich fresh: plastic wrap.

For three decades following World War II, Norway’s burial practices involved wrapping their dead nice and tight in a layer of plastic before setting them into wooden coffins for the Big Sleep. Apparently, they believed it to be more sanitary. Hundreds of thousands of burials later, though, Norwegian funeral directors have found themselves in a bit of a tight spot. These non-rotting corpses are squatting on prime burial spots, leaving the newly deceased high and (figuratively) dry.

For smaller countries like Norway and a few other European states, land is a scarce commodity, so 20 years after a Norwegian is first buried, their plot opens up to let in a new inhabitant (unless the bereaved want to pay an annual fee to keep their loved ones roommate-free) ….

So there it is – “sanitary”. Modern funeral practices too often blur the line between respectful disposal and preservation, operating on the premise that human remains are, in and of themselves, a major league biohazard that can only be tolerated if they’re first encased in a vat of Purell. To get to the bottom of this, we asked a mortician; none other than Caitlin Doughty, a licensed mortician working in Los Angeles, and founder of The Order of the Good Death, which aims to make death a part of your life!

Now, I know what you’re thinking – why didn’t she say more about corpse poo? Well, as a matter of fact, she has, and that’s the point we’re going to end on today.