Large Fierce Mammal

If you’ve gotten far enough to read this after Mrs. LFM’s title photo, and if you believe the hype, the year just ended will also mark the end of the calendar printing industry because 2012 is it. Well, Mrs. LFM and I have appointments the day after Armageddon so that shit’s not on for us. Our sign stays out – Business as usual.

In the mean time, here’s some (more) eye candy of the LFM kind from our adventures on and off the job in 2011. You may wish to have a look, or you may just want to pour yourself a drink and go back to reread the title a couple hundred more times. Most pictures will enlarge when you click them, but no matter how many times you click the title picture, that blacked out area will stay where it is.

January:

We watched 2012 and found it so bad it took Mrs. LFM and me 4 litres of wine to get through it. Bruce’s face tells the tale. I should also point out that he’s facing away from the TV, and I don’t think it’s just a cute accident he’s covering his nose.

Bruce came to be fostered here until our dog Milo adopted him. Here’s Milo with his dog Bruce.

Old Dusty investigating the inexplicable terra cotta head that sits on the northern border of our place.

On 17 January we mourned the loss of German Shepherd Dog magnificence personified when Alf vom Garreler Esch, also known as Alf, went to sleep for the last time. A perpetual flame will always burn for him here.

Robbie ready to go to work.

If you’re going to abuse drugs, do your research and get it right! Found in a client’s basement.

February:

Dusty frisking in the snow. In the time since this picture was taken, Dusty has slowed down a lot. It’s a bittersweet thought to realize he probably will not see another summer.

A Stargate Room we encountered in our travels.

March:

In the years we’ve been together, we’ve both seen more rainbows than either of us have seen before. It doesn’t appear in this picture with the vibrance it had to the naked eye, but the bar of light on the “Bayers Road West” sign in this picture was a perfect one, and we never did identify the source.

Lots of plucked deer hair, and no deer.

Sacred site in Kejimkujik National Park. Note the deer flagrantly defying the sign.

Our first spring scouting trip to Kejimkujik for the year.

Milo also investigating the terra cotta head. Perspective was not his friend in this picture.

Burning the Birch bark in memory of Mrs. LFM’s late father, Ryszard Kleszczynski.

Cooking dinner in one of the shelters at Kejimkujik Park.

Big old Pine in the woods near our house.

April:

April 2011 was a benchmark month because it marked the first time ever that an article written by an invited guest contributor appeared in LFM. The crust was broken by Eric Noeldechen with To Be Or Not To Be on 17 April which was well received, and we hope Eric gets riled up again from time to time so he can enlighten and entertain us all further.

We had been hearing the nocturnal calls of a mating pair of owls around our house for weeks before we found where they lived.

Dusty on the road, headed to meet Selina, Pit Bull Momma and official stylist to the Large Fierce Mammals.

LFM birthday breakfast, lovingly crafted by Mrs. LFM.

LFM birthday hike including the worthy Peter Thompson.

Mrs. LFM with Robbie, official hiking dog of the 2011 LFM birthday hike in Kejimkujik National Park.

I was feeling peckish.

Beaver lodge.

Us LFM’s on yet another jaunt a couple days after the birthday hike.

The cove at the end of Peter Point in Kejimkujik Park.

Minnie our adventuring Min Pin.

May:

Ironic that for Mrs. LFM to get this picture, a fox was stalking a fox.

An assembly of LFM pack members on our stairs. Left to right: Ailsa, Minnie, Milo, Gunner, Bruce, and Robbie.

Results of heavy spring precipitation on the river in our back forty. It ran like that all summer.

Robbie drying off after his first swim of the season.

Our niece Alyssa – AKA Niece LFM – getting some LFM oversight at a concert.

Practicing for future pub crawls.

Stylin’ Niece LFM.

June:

Swanky cosmetic refreshment stations in the ladies’ washrooms at Moxie’s in Dartmouth Crossing. Mrs. LFM declared the facilities to be nicer than the dining rooms in some restaurants.

More washroom. It may not seem like a big deal but that’s a lot of attention to detail so people have a nice place to pee. In most places, the washroom is an afterthought, and if you’re lucky, it’s a clean afterthought.

This next picture shows the state of the security control panel in a client’s premises after the client’s father had attempted to silence the siren in the wake of a lightning strike. It appears he got a little carried away because our report to the client after she notified us her phone no longer worked included, in part:

A summary of the degree to which the panel had been disassembled includes:

• The nylon latch that holds the cabinet closed had been removed from the cabinet.
• The control board had been detached from its mounting lugs and left hanging by the few wires that were still attached to it.
• Nearly all the wiring that had been attached to the control board had been removed, including the telephone cable and the power transformer cable which was still live and uncovered.
• The standby battery had been removed from the cabinet.
• Where system wiring had been junctioned inside the cabinet, every junction had been taken apart.
• Two of the four mounting screws used to hold the cabinet on the wall had been partially removed.

Earrings spotted in a client’s store that became what Mrs. LFM referred to as, “An awesomely hilarious spontaneous gift.”

Dusty in Kejimkujik Park. He’s past the days of hiking, but he still enjoys a good outdoorsy saunter!

Gunner’s IV, made necessary by sudden onset of an inability to ingest anything and keep it down for more than a few minutes. His bowel had been shocked by something – we never found out what but in view of his habit of grazing on foliage we presume something green didn’t agree with him – causing it to shut down and reject anything that entered his GI tract. He needed transport to our vet daily for IV fluids and observation, then home every evening until it passed. That was one hell of a tense week.

The shining moment of Gunner’s first bowel movement at the end of his illness. Some of you may never understand the sheer joy this event brought to our house.

The LFM scythe arrives and lies assembled on our kitchen floor where Milo eyes it dubiously. Fear not the blade for it has a guard on it, and everybody’s calm. We love this thing, and you can’t have just one! Its snath length is perfect for the hillside that is our “lawn”.

The concentrated cuteness of Robbie waiting to embark on a canoe trip,

The first canoe trip of 2011 in the wake of a weird but enlightening overnight hospital stay.

A firefly caught in a spider’s web near our back door. We don’t intervene in Nature’s affairs.

July:

Swimming with an Australian Cattle Dog is more fun than swimming with dolphins and seals combined, and marginally safer than swimming with sharks.

Peter Thompson paddling his way to glory on our Canada Day visit to the waterways of Kejimkujik National Park.

Mmmmm … mermaid fresh from the water ….

The canoeist’s view of the beautiful Mersey River.

The walls may have ears, but the trees have eyes.

Seems legit.

OK, now it’s making sense.

Awaiting the ministrations of the inimitable Selina of Selina’s Hair Creations, where you can get as much Pit Bull and Pug lovin’ as you can handle, all at no extra charge!

August:

River rat Minnie.

We attended the first ever “Bully Pride” event in Dartmouth, which was launched to counter the unfavourable publicity directed at bull dog type dog breeds. Never was there a more calm assembly of dogs in one place. Sadly, the event was under publicized and under attended which will hopefully change next year.

We never miss a chance to interact with an Australian Cattle Dog – here it’s Sophie.

Milo on the job with us in Dartmouth.

This turned up in the store room of a local restaurant. For Christ’s sake, don’t open that bag!

Mallie, the senior Jack Russell Terrier who is being fostered with us right now for rehab, and will be going up for adoption in the next few months.

September:

Exorcism of a major league asshole – former operator of a local eating establishment. We had boots on the ground and surveillance in place to ensure a cocky bully behaved himself while removing what belonged to him. He got mouthy – once – but decided he wanted his stuff more than getting his dick measured and found wanting.

Mallie using her brain with the Nina Ottosson Tornado.

Test driving our Kelly Kettle while modeling some new kit.

The LFM fire pit in flames.

September marked the month my 2008 story about my encounter with a spectral little girl appeared in John Robert Colombo’s latest collection of creepiness, Jeepers Creepers.

We decided this year to vacation someplace warm. We chose Hell, and confirmed that the back door really is locked from the inside!

Medicine man Laurie Lacey with Rita Baruss in a picture taken on our medicine walk with them. We anticipate many more!

Mrs. LFM’s awe inspiring from the back as it is, and then add a splash of colour – a masterpiece! No My Little Ponies were harmed in Selina’s creation of this colour.

We found Tangled Garden while on the job, but took time out to go deep into the actual garden, just so we could kiss there.

October:

How appropriate for October – a small cemetery on an island in Lunenburg County. Two halves containing graves from two clans who apparently hated each other so much that, even in death, they need an earthwork to keep them separated.

Autumn twilight. The real kind not involving sparkly pouty vampires that look like they’re constantly in need of a shower.

Bruce loving Kejimkujik Park.

The gift of a fine blade is always appreciated, and Mrs. LFM now sports a shiny new Benchmade 211 Activator courtesy of Gary Carbone.

A professional martial arts teacher, Gary is a loyal LFM fan and soon to be contributor here. He gifted us the knife in appreciation for assistance we gave him with his rescued Pit Bull, Bodhi, who suffered from separation anxiety. Word is all are doing fine and we look forward to Gary’s wisdom gracing these pages! Here’s a picture of Gary and Bodhi, and you know, a man could do worse picking a photo to go with his bio on our LFM Contributors page!

The knife fits Mrs. LFM’s hand like it was made for her so it was natural that this fine steel grace the hip of the finest of women.

In keeping with the way we roll, Mallie has gotten her share of wilderness adventure. This was her first lengthy foray, and was probably the most fun she ever had in her life up to that point.

Robbie playing the role of a prospector’s dog on the Gold Mines Trail in Kejimkujik Park.

November: Alas, everything was a blur in November, and aside from the articles posted herein during that month, nothing of consequence was photographed … at least nothing you’re allowed to see.

December:

Marilyn Munroe said, “If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.” She was right. Here we are at the fund raiser for the Shelter for Helpless Animals in Distress (SHAID) hosted by Tomorrow’s Lounge. Over $600.00 was raised, which may not sound like much, but in the animal rescue biz, we squeeze every penny until the Queen has tears in her eyes.

Mrs. LFM’s sister … which would make her Sister LFM, mother of Niece LFM … in the act of serving us drinks. The theme asked people to dress like cats or dogs. We also had one raccoon show up, and we LFM’s came dressed as dog handlers.

Since we started this dog and pony show back in 2008, the LFM readership has continued to grow each year, and 2011 was no different. Many thanks to those who contributed to our success by sharing articles and items from here on assorted blogs and forums, and extra special thanks to Master At Arms James (AKA “Uncle Jim”) Keating for linking LFM output regularly on his e-zine Maajak World. Jim’s support alone has resulted in connections with like minded large fierce mammals all over the world, and continues to do so.

The Skrælingibók – The Saga of a Skræling is moving ahead, and this year will see publication of three ebooks, all of which will be available for purchase on our Downloads page – A Collection of Dark Sentiments (predominantly poetry embellished with appropriate art work and previously unpublished material), The Large Fierce Mammal’s Small But Weighty Book of Etiquette, and an as yet untitled piece on the subject of ethics in hunting and gathering as done the LFM way. Naturally, in addition to all that, our loyal readers can look forward to another twelve months of the usual piquant LFM fare, plus some additional assaults on the senses courtesy of the Large Fierce Mammal YouTube Channel.

So one well used year wraps up and another lies ahead. We aren’t the types to go into it with New Year resolutions – we are simply resolute, as always, and recommend you all be the same.

Thanks for watching and stay tuned!