Large Fierce Mammal

Driftwood by Adam Oehlers (2017) — Brought to my attention by the Esteemed Master At Arms James Albert Keating

If I were to sum up application of my billable skills in one easy to digest term, it would be “professional troubleshooter”. In general, this means Mrs. LFM and I solve the problems of other people for a living.

What typically motivates someone to pick up their phone and dial us, or equally as common send an email, is loss of stability in the realms of safety and security that may be demonstrably real or simply perceived to the degree where it’s become the same thing for them.

As I write to you on this first calendar day of the year 2021, you will not be surprised to learn that the twelve months just expired were the busiest in the 40 years since I first exposed my ass shingle to the brisk and inconsiderate winds of fate, and I am pleased to report that even that percentage of our clientele who learned to their chagrin that they, or those acting under their guidance, were the common thread in all their misfortunes, paid our fee absent encouragement. This, even if in their heart of hearts they never wanted to lay eyes on us again.

The situations we are called to consult on inevitably affect people, but with amazing regularity come in two flavours:

1. They have a technical; i. e., scientifically identifiable source and path to correction or implementation; that may not have found its origins or perpetuation in human involvement; OR
2. Every aspect of the problem has grown out of, and been perpetuated by, people.

With this in mind, I will leave you today with a little pro bono advice:

1. Beware and eschew misleading vividness.
2. Don’t let your apophenia run away with you.
3. Accept no unfiltered eyewitness testimony, especially when it comes from officialdom, and most particularly when the official is you.
4. When you discover a bomb, don’t assume it’s the only one in the place.
5. When someone suddenly demands your attention and wants you to “look over there”, “there” is not where you should look.

For those of you who survive the next few weeks, I will be elaborating on each of those points, and in whatever order I see fit. As you will come to understand, even if not particularly like, every moment of this year, and that you may ever come to have in or beyond any mark on a calendar, will quite literally be what you make of it.

And as to the stern admonishment that is the title of this particular brain dropping, viewing a new year as a chance for a fresh start is low resolution thinking indeed when, in fact, every moment is — including this one.

Happy New Year.