Large Fierce Mammal

Recommended reading for telecommunications utilities.

Not counting cellular and satellite providers, there are two options for telephone and internet service in Nova Scotia - Aliant and Eastlink. This article deals with the former company. Eastlink has so many issues I’ll be dealing with them in coming weeks.

As a heavy user of the services provided by both companies I would say that, as they stand today, Aliant is superior with respect to the technical competence and professionalism of its field technicians - in fact it’s a pleasure to work with them, but it wasn’t always that way.

Aliant grew out of what for many years was the Maritime Telephone and Telegraph Company, later Maritime Tel & Tel, still later MT&T, and later yet MTT. For a long time they were the only telecommunications act in town, and they acted like it. In my early days in the electronic security business it was a constant battle to get any respect out of them because they insisted on treating anyone who wanted to use their telephone lines for anything other than talking, and worse, wanted to use equipment that wasn’t supplied by MT&T, as an upstart, a threat, and possibly even  a menace capable of everything from bestiality to unsportsmanlike conduct.

The Illudium Q36 Explosive Space Modulator conveniently screws onto a modified telescope and offers an effective way of obliterating planets that block your view.

Over the years, technology and regulations evolved and the MT&T monopoly was slowly forced, kicking and screaming all the way, to play at least a bit more fairly. Required to permit non-MT&T telecommunications devices to use their lines, they came up with a pricey way of punishing anyone who wanted to do such an evil thing - the QCS-2B Voice Station Coupler. Bear in mind that this must not be confused with the Illudium Q36 Explosive Space Modulator which, though it exists purely in cartoons featuring Marvin the Martian, actually works.

The alleged purpose of the QCS-2B Voice Station Coupler was to permit “safe” connection of non-MT&T equipment, such as store bought telephones, the then new and social status elevating fax machines, and of course, monitored alarm systems, to MT&T lines. The device consisted of a bulky circuit board inside of a nondescript grey cabinet that was connected between the premises telephone line and anything else MT&T didn’t supply, all to protect the world from the Armageddon that would inevitably follow if it wasn’t there. Of course, the QCS-2B could only be ordered from MT&T and had to be installed by one of their technicians. This process attracted a substantial installation charge and a monthly fee of just under $10.00 a month in early 1980’s Canadian dollars.

Ignoring the obvious bullshittery of this, there were two major problems with the QCS-2B. First, it needed power from an external source to operate. This meant that when the power failed, anything connected to the line through the QCS-2B could not dial out - a major concern for security and fire alarm communicators that had their own standby power supplies and worked perfectly during a power outage but were rendered mute by failure of the allegedly necessary interface. The QCS-2B could be equipped with a standby battery, but it lacked any capacity to employ a rechargeable type so this required a customer supplied 12 volt lantern battery. The QCS-2B cabinet wasn’t designed to enclose a battery so if one was installed it had to sit somewhere nearby on a shelf or the floor where it and its connecting wires were vulnerable to everything they shouldn’t have been vulnerable to. Interestingly, once connected to a battery, the device tended to supplement its power needs by constantly sipping from the battery with predictable results - the battery flatlined in a matter of months and without any form of warning. That was the first problem.

The second problem with the QCS-2B was that no MT&T technician I ever encountered knew how to make it work. In the end, I often saw exasperated installers simply junction the telephone line inside the QCS-2B cabinet, bypassing its circuitry entirely, just so they could get on with life. While I understood and sympathized with their plight, the idea of idly watching my clients piss away $10.00 a month on what amounted to an expensive junction box didn’t sit well with me.  I publicly exposed the sham and the QCS-2B was soon no more. This move earned me a period of enmity from MT&T management and those of their field technicians who considered themselves “company men”, but it also made me a bit of a hero in the eyes of some of the more clear thinking MT&T employees.

The RJ31X Alarm Interface Jack

In its wisdom, MT&T decided to adopt what has become the standard interface for alarm equipment connections to dial-up telephone lines, the RJ31X jack. This neat and convenient little device is still used today, but when first adopted it still had to be supplied and installed by an MT&T technician, and therein lay yet another problem  - MT&T “company men” resented having to install them even though installation was no more complicated or difficult than installing any other type of telephone jack. The way this usually played out was refusal to install the RJ31X jack anywhere but immediately adjacent to the point where the telephone cable entered the building from the street. This was a problem if the alarm communications equipment was located elsewhere in the structure, made worse by the fact that the cable I would need to bridge the gap wasn’t supposed to be run by anybody other than an MT&T technician. Catch 22 all the way. I will stress that, by this time in history, I had established an underground relationship of mutual respect with most of MT&T’s field technicians and all of the foremen that mattered, but the few remaining “company men” who were resistant to my charms were a sweet pain in the ass.

Initially, I would have my client order the jack installed where I wanted it, or order it on their behalf, and specifically request that I be kept in the loop so I or one of my own technicians could be present when the jack was installed. More often than not I had to work with the result which, if the wrong guy did the work, usually meant relocating the jack myself after what amounted to a secretive hit and run by the installer.

When the number of “company men” finally dwindled to one, and that one man seemed to be constantly showing up to install jacks for my clients that were everywhere but where I wanted them, I decided enough was enough. While I knew it wouldn’t be possible, I first asked that he not be assigned any work for my company or its clients if the job had anything to do with alarm systems. As expected, no dice. This left Plan B.

I staged my coup on the day MT&T was to install an RJ31X jack for me at Lunenburg’s Central United Church. I was standing outside when the Company Man showed up. I could see his spine stiffen as he saw me there waiting for him and, even before I finished telling him where I wanted the jack mounted he interrupted. From there the conversation went like this:

Him - “I have to put it next to the protector.” (NOTE: The protector is the terminal box where the cable from the street meets a building’s internal telephone wiring, usually mounted on an outside wall, in the basement, or inside a utility/electrical room.)

Me - “Oh, that’s not where you need to put it.”

Him - “Yes I do!” (He had obviously missed my meaning.) “We can’t be running wire and putting jacks all over the place!”

Me - “What if I wanted a regular telephone jack put somewhere in this building where there wasn’t one before? Would you be telling me you had to install it near the protector because you can’t be running wire and putting jacks all over the place?”

Him - “No! That’s different!”

Me - “How?”

Him - “This is for an alarm.”

Me - “Exactly - an alarm that needs a jack 30 feet away from the protector, connected by a cable you have to run. The sooner you start the sooner we’ll be out of here.”

Him - “The company says we don’t have to put those jacks anywhere but next to the protector!”

Me - “What if the protector is outside? What then?”

Him - “Then we drill a hole and put it just inside the wall.”

Me - “I see. Are you married?”

Him - “What?”

Me - “Are - you - married?”

Him - “Yes. What does that have to do with anything?”

Me - “I’m just curious, because if you fuck like you work she must be one frustrated woman.”

He moved his mouth like he was about to speak but it snapped shut unused at the instant his face turned red. He gave me the evil eye, spun around, stomped off to his van and peeled away, almost creaming a small white car in the process.

Back at my office about a half hour later, I took a call from the Company Man’s boss with whom I enjoyed excellent relations.

“What in hell did you say to that man?” he asked.

“What did he tell you I said?” I replied.

“He didn’t tell me. He just burst into my office and yelled, ‘Don’t you EVER send me on another fucking Whynacht Security order!’ Then he stomped out cursing.”

This made me laugh. When I related what I had told his man, it made him laugh too. And so, I got what I wanted. Until he retired, I never again laid eyes on the Company Man. Adding insult to injury though, I was later asked by the Company Man’s boss to teach a training seminar for his technicians. The subject - standards and practice for interfacing alarm systems with dial-up telephone lines.